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home : features : modern times April 15, 2014


11/14/2012 10:00:00 PM
Column: South has window of opportunity
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Syndicated Columnist

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

The White House website received petitions from Southern states Monday calling for secession from the Union. The timing is very shrewd. This week is the perfect time for the South to secede when you consider that none of the Union generals have their pants on.

Afghan War commander John Allen went under probe Tuesday for carrying on with one of General David Petraeus's accused mistresses. It all involves adultery, shirtless e-mail photos and sex under the desk. Bill Clinton is kicking himself for dodging the draft.

General David Petraeus was caught between a catfight of mistresses on Tuesday. It's mixed news. The sex scandal cost General Petraeus any chance of the GOP nomination for president in four years, however it virtually guarantees him the Democratic nomination.

David Petraeus was urged to testify in Congress on the Benghazi attack. Two months ago he went to Congress and blamed it on an Internet video. He was hoping to get them to shut down the Internet so that no more of his e-mails would go through to those women.

Attorney General Eric Holder was reported Tuesday to have learned of CIA Director David Petraeus' mistress in September. He kept it a secret. If he'd wanted President Obama to know about it he'd have had a Chicago Bulls sportswriter slip it into his column.

Bossa Nova Robotics introduced a robot named Balbot Tuesday which is able to take commands and act as a personal maid for five thousand dollars. It gets worse. The robots want a path to citizenship and the ones that run on Apple

software are already Democrats.

Elmo puppeteer David Clash denied improper sexual contact allegations Monday. His defenders are fierce and partisan. Democrats say as much stress as Mitt Romney put on Sesame Street it was only a matter of time before Elmo got the tomorrow-we-die attitude.





Reader Comments

Posted: Thursday, November 15, 2012
Article comment by: Brian Boru

I think he's a hoot. We need a little light-heartedness here.

Posted: Thursday, November 15, 2012
Article comment by: John Kelly

What? What is this? This does not come even close to a thought let alone a column in the newspaper. The Daily Courier has really dropped the ball by allowing this dimwit to even have a voice, while pretending that he has even the slightest political insight. The only idea that is more stupid than the U.S. military would be unable militarily to respond to a succession because "their pants are around their ankles" is the assertion that robots will be granted citizenship by the Federal Government. Daily Courier give me a job instead of this nincompoop who either is failing tragically at being funny or is trying to remember what he heard on Hannity last night when he was drunk and depressed.



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