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The Prescott Daily Courier | Prescott, Arizona

home : features : modern times August 28, 2014


11/28/2012 9:51:00 PM
Column: Literally anyone could have murdered Arafat
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
By ARGUS HAMILTON
Syndicated Columnist

HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?

PLO leader Yasser Arafat was exhumed Tuesday to test his remains to see if he was poisoned. He was tracked by the CIA, the British, the Israelis, the Iranians, two ex-wives and his PLO rivals. The only people who aren't suspects are children who weren't born yet.

Jamie Foxx addressed the Soul Train Awards Sunday where he thanked his Lord and Savior Barack Obama. That can't be true. If Barack Obama can heal the sick and raise the dead with the touch of his hand, why on earth do we have to pay for healthcare reform?

The White House predicted Tuesday the president and Congress will reach a budget deal by Christmas. How is that even possible? Last month on Halloween night, brain-sucking zombies invaded Washington D.C. and within two days they all died of malnutrition.

The National Retail Federation reports that 250 million Americans bought gifts over Thanksgiving weekend. A record number bought gifts on Cyber Monday. That means this is the best week all year to send drugs through the mail and not get caught.

Cyber Monday enjoyed a 28 percent jump in online holiday shopping over last year. It's not as exciting as shopping in person. Yesterday in Beverly Hills a tourist spotted Betty White at an antique store on Rodeo Drive - for eight hundred dollars.






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