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The Prescott Daily Courier | Prescott, Arizona

home : features : modern times August 19, 2014

7/3/2013 6:00:00 AM
Column: Snack cakes make the US invulnerable
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Argus Hamilton
Syndicated Columnist

Hostess said Twinkies will be back on store shelves in two weeks. Scientists say Twinkies are the one food that can survive a nuclear war. It must grate on Vladimir Putin knowing how many Americans will outlive the Russians if push ever comes to shove.

The Battle of Gettysburg was fought Sunday by reenactors dressed in Blue and Gray uniforms and fighting under U.S. and Rebel flags. The U.S. flag is so different today. The 50 stars on Old Glory were recently replaced by 50 eyeballs that follow you everywhere.

The Weather Channel saw record high temperatures in the Southwest desert Monday, hitting 120 degrees. That's in the shade. Hotels in Palm Springs won't allow you to sunbathe by the pool unless you provide dental records that can identify you.

Governor Jerry Brown asked for half a billion dollars to relieve prison overcrowding in California. He wants to lease county jail beds, hire private prisons and pay other states to take our excess prisoners. All signs indicate that Los Angeles is about to get an NFL team.

President Obama in South Africa Monday praised George W. Bush for sending AIDS medicine to Africa. The next day Obama and Bush met in Tanzania. Now Americans can have all the fun they want on July Fourth seeing that Bill Clinton is the substitute president.

The White House deputized librarians to enlist Obamacare customers Friday. They'll give uninsured people free computer time to sign up. They hope free porn attracts healthy young men to the insurance pool the way it attracts dirty old ones to the library every day.

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